I first write this story in a class at Wright State University that focused on the use of narrative time in fiction. Ideally, we were supposed to try something new with time in this assignment, so if we usually wrote in “common” story time, we should try “long form” time or even “switchback” time. I was busy and didn’t have a lot of ideas, so I fell back on this, which is in normal time. To a certain extent, this was not ideal, since this is the narrative time format I usually write in. However, I did try something new with the subject matter. I’d been thinking about writing a story set in Hawaii, where I grew up, for a long time, but I wasn’t sure how to do it, since most of my short stories are generally set in the vein of epic fantasy. This was one of the first times I wrote a story that actually took place in the real world, with everyday characters. Of course, I still managed to work the fantasy element in . . .
This draft is the final iteration, at least for now. It has grown significantly longer than the previous version, but I think it treats the characters with more depth.
This is the original draft, which I wrote and then re-polished during Spring Quarter of 2011. Note that it is significantly shorter than the original. I usually try to keep my word counts down for short stories, but lately I have noticed that they expand in revision. For this story, I think this has been a good thing rather than a bad, though it may mean that finding a magazine to publish the story may be more of a challenge.
[I don’t have a scan of it right now, but later I will scan in my scribbled-up version of the original draft, to show my revision process.]